Center for Klassisk Donaldisme & Universiteit voor Hooge en Algemeene Donaldismus te Annedam
still got it
More observations on Cousin Gus’ tacit talents
ved CKD’s julefrokost 2005 af dr.don. Johaan Hop van de Haavelouw (UHADA)
It is a very great honour for me to be
invited here at the Christmas Party at the Centre of Classical Donaldism
(C.K.D.) as its first official guest speaker from outside the centre. Also a big
thanks for the fine food and beverages - the Duck a l’Orange was simply
delicious. Please, feel free to try the spiced-up Christmas cookies that I have
brought along for the party from my home country; I think you will find them
interesting and most mentally stimulating.
Now, when I was invited to give a paper here
at the C.K.D., I took the liberty to look at earlier speeches given at this
occasion. And here, I was very impressed by the paper given by Dr GrandjeAnd
back in 2003 on the youth-days of Cousin Gus.
In fact, I was so inspired by this paper that I decided to humbly follow in its path with a small, supplementing survey on the ways of the more grown-up Goose.
For most people, the most obvious talents,
if they can indeed be termed as such, of Cousin Gus, would be his insatiable
appetite and his unlimited capacity for sleeping.
However, as pointed out by Dr GrandjeAnd,
the young Gus Goose shows two other interesting sides, which unjustly have
received almost no attention among Donaldistic scholars. Firstly, young Gus is
quite a “Ladies’ Man” (or rather, a “Ladies’ Gander”), who among
others often puts a sweet smile on the beak of Daisy Duck. And secondly, Gus has
a rare, innovative skill, probably only matched by Gyro Gearloose, but with much
simpler means than the famous Duckburg inventor, Cousin Gus time and again
succeeds in constructing clever work-saving gadgets.
The traditional accusations against Cousin Gus of being lazy are - in my
eyes - not all that unjust, but I agree with Dr GrandjeAnd that we should not
ignore the positive effect of Gus’ laziness, i.e. his impressively creative
resourcefulness. Another Classic-Donaldistic example of this is brought to us by
Paul Murry, where the very words of Gus reveals the core essence of his
personality and way of thinking: »There has to be an easier way to do
this! There has to be!«
Duck, although quite skilful herself, does not know of any easier way to haul up
water from the well. But soon the ingenious Goose comes up with a creative and
But does he still have it? Can Gus Goose still sweep the girls of their feet, and is he still as innovative as when he
was young? Or has the mature Gus concentrated on his more traditional talents:
Eating and sleeping? That is the topic of today’s paper. To answer this
question, I will do something rather unheard of in these halls: I will expose
the esteemed scholars of C.K.D. to non-Classical-Donaldistic material!
Indeed, it is a duckumentary published only recently in Danish Anders And
& Co. (AA 50/2005) from two of the leading reporters of present-day
Donaldism: Lars Jensen (text) and Santanach (pictures).
In my opinion, the main theme of the story
touches something very essential about Gus: His ability to avoid work! Grandma
Duck is sick, and the invoked Ducklings try their utmost to make the Gander put
in some physical effort, but such a provocation is exactly what it takes to make
his true talent blossom. In stead of going to the hen house and collect all the
eggs himself, Gus - in a surprisingly short amount of time - trains the fowl to
walk a plank from the hen house through the kitchen window and pop out their eggs
into a basket in the kitchen sink.
Cousin Gus most certainly still has his smarts when it comes to work-avoiding
ingenuity. But what about his other youthful skill? How is he nowadays with
answer is given in the very same duckumentary by Jensen & Santanach. The two
young and attractive neighbour-daughters, Rikke and Karen, have obviously heard
that old Grandma Duck is sick and lying in bed, and they rush off in their
dad’s truck to the neighbouring farm. To see how Mrs Duck is? Not quite.
Rather to benefit from her not being able to keep an eye on her handsome helper.
Still entering the farm yard in full speed, one of the daughters leans out the
truck window and greets Gus with the most invitational smile: »Hi Gus. Wanna
go for a ride?«
Gus, that old charmer, succeeds in making one of the girls do his tough
tree-cutting work. And why? Because they do not want him to be “too tired for
the ride”?!? What kind of a “ride” are we actually talking about here?
Well, according to my sources in the international transport environment, there
is an old saying among truckers concerning taking up passengers of the opposite
sex: “A ride for a ride!” Now, maybe I am reading more into
the actual dialogue and behaviour of the girls than what is truly going on, and
maybe it is a completely innocent type of ride that Rikke and Karen want
Gus to be ready and fresh for, but still, there is no avoiding the conclusion
that Gus Goose most evidently still knows how to charm the young ladies.
most of you probably know, my main field of Donaldistic research is Anatide
pharma-toxicology - or to put it in lay terms: The Ducks’ use of drugs.
And in the case of Cousin Gus, as you will also know, we do indeed have an
interesting thesis involving drugs, namely the sensational thesis presented in
2003 by the esteemed Norwegian scholar Mr Mats, who not only suggested that Gus
could be the father of Huey, Dewey and Louie, but also that Grandma Duck
deliberately could have erased his (i.e. Gus’) memory of all this by putting
“something funny in his cakes”, as Mats did not find it unlikely that the
old Duck matriarch could be growing »..something illegal and severely
mentally retarding in the back yard.«
my stay here at S.A.D., I have been asked several times for my opinion on this
provocative thesis of Mr Mats. Well, firstly, I would say that I do not find the
thesis in conflict with any of my studies on Donaldistic drug-use. In fact, I
would even agree with Mr Mats that it is far from being unlikely that Grandma
Duck is growing illegal herbs in her garden meant for the production of drugs.
Personally, I have always wondered how her farm could function economically, as
the production strikes me as extremely ineffective and unprofitable; especially
her keeping of pigs puzzles me, since it is very hard to imagine any
slaughtering going on at the farm -
and I don’t recall ever seeing the Ducks eating pork? Therefore, a
supplementing source of income at Grandma Duck’s Farm in no way seems unlikely.
But is it drugs? Here I will have to emphasize that I have never found any
actual evidence in support of such a suspicion. In stead, I have come over
accounts of an other possible explanation in support of Mr Mats’ thesis of
Grandma Duck messing with Gus’ mind.
non-classical, but otherwise quite well-reputed reporter, Tony Strobl, brought
to us back in 1957 some rather interesting pictures of Grandma Duck hypnotizing
Gus with astonishing - nay, almost shocking - effect. With a firm look, she gets
complete control over his mind, and the poor Gander instantaneously finds
himself a mere slave of his mistress’ will. Certainly, with such abilities at
hand (and eye), Grandma Duck could easily have erased any unwanted memories in
her helper’s mind.
Actually, I even find the duckumentary of Strobl mind-messing myself in relation to another provocative Gus-thesis raised in Early Academic Donaldism by the notorious Dr Grobian Gans. I am of course speaking of his claiming a probable sexual relationship between the mature she-Duck and her young male-servant.
know that this is a thesis, which most donaldists find unbelievable as well as
unpleasant, but as serious scholars, we must keep an open mind and a neutral
approach to the interpretation of the evidence, and who knows what the old
widower might do with her young Gander when he is under hypnosis? Apparently, he
does not even recall it himself, when he wakes up completely exhausted and with
a sore back - while old Grandma Duck is in a joyful mood.
And so, it is not necessarily without its problems to be a good-looking guy - or Gander - with high popularity among women...of all ages. No wonder Gus has a healthy appetite and needs his occasional nap under the tree or behind the hay stack. Because whether he likes it or not, Gus still got it!
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