Sydnordisk
Akademi for Donaldisme - Institut for Donaldistisk Sexologi
Dames
and Ducks
Profile
of preferences of Donald Duck when womanising
af
gæsteprofessor dr. Johaan Hop van de Haavelouw,
Universiteit
voor Hooge en Algemeene Donaldismus te Annedam (UHADA) 2005.
Sex
in Duckburg has always been one of the hottest topics in Donaldism. ‘Hot’ in
more than one sense of the word. In the early years of academic Donaldism, it
was even debated, whether sex in fact did at all occur in Duckburg? Soon, when
most scholars agreed that even Ducks must have sex, it was claimed that Donald
Duck then was a sexually neurotic case with deep psychotic problems, which meant
that he could never have a normal physical relationship with a woman - including
his girl friend Daisy (Gans 1970, Imberger 1979, van Erpelt 1980, Zarnack 1981).
Several scholars have for long presented solid facts against these horrific
claims of Donald as a non-sexual psychopath (e.g. Grütz 1982, Wilkens 1982,
Oldigs 1982), some of them even over-compensating by painting a picture of
Donald as a hyper-sexual psychopath.
In
this paper, given on the occasion of the long-awaited re-opening of the Institute
of Donaldistic Sexology at S.A.D., I will dismiss both of these misleading
views. In stead, I will claim that Mr. Duck in fact is quite normal - at least
in the matter of his sexuality - and that he has a sound and in no way abnormal
interest in the opposite sex. And to support this claim, I will in the following
try to present a profile of preferences of Donald Duck when womanising.
Clearly,
Donald’s feelings for Daisy are in no way unrequited, but as the love game
goes, Daisy does not refrain from using her youth and beauty to flirt with other
available bachelors. Partly to keep Donald on his toes, partly to see if she
could perhaps do better. Curiously enough, one of Daisy’s first flirts is
Cousin Gus. Many Donaldistic scholars have found this hard to understand, but as
shown by dr. GrandjeAnd (2003), Gus was quite a ladies’ man in his young years,
and furthermore it seems as if female Ducks in general find male Geese (i.e.
Ganders) physically attractive (and so, also in Duckburg the old saying is true:
Size does matter!)
The flirt between Daisy and Cousin Gus is soon followed by a much more serious challenge from another annoying cousin of Donald’s.
On
top of that, Donald constantly has to compete with Daisy’s taste for big,
muscular guys. Especially well-proportioned males of the Kynoid species seem to
bring a distant, moist look in her eyes. And such Kynoid beefcakes are hard to
match, when you are just a small, white duck.
But to be fair, Donald is by no means a saint himself. A classical proof of this is the legendary flirt at a spring picnic with miss Swansdown-Swoonsudden, where it is a quite particular kind of ‘flower’ Donald is aiming to pick.
Back
in 1943, young Donald’s main reason for taking the job as lifeguard at
Duckburg Beach explicitly was to meet chicks - or rather young she-Ducks - and
to our great surprise, he actually succeeds. To an almost breathtaking degree.
One might ‘excuse’ these early womanising escapades of Donald by his youth, and claim that at this point his relationship with Daisy still had hardly begun. But also in later years, Donald is often infatuated by young attractive she-Ducks.
And
when Womanising Donald is on the move, he lets no-one stand in his way. Not even
Daisy.
In
fact, Donald does not even refrain from shameless flirting with Daisy’s girl
friends, right in front of Daisy at the dinner table in her own home!
This kind of behaviour has recently led professor Dam (2005) to suggest the existence of a “parallel lovelife” and even a “parallel double-monogamous lovelife”, which according to the professor is quite widespread and socially accepted in Duckburg. Certainly, it is very acceptable in Donald’s dreams, where he is not only a powerful and popular magnate, he is also quite a magnet for sweet looks and wishful fantasies from many a young fair maiden.
Oh
yes, Donald Duck likes his dames. He likes his brunettes, he likes his redheads,
and most of all he likes his blondes. But then again, who doesn’t?
Meanwhile,
unlike Daisy’s taste for muscular Kynoid males, Donald never seems to get the
hots for a Kynoid female. On the contrary, he appears quite repulsed by such
ideas.
This is not a behaviour restricted to Donald, as his Cousin Gladstone displays exactly the same preferences - and anti-preferences.
Apparently,
Donald’s and Gladstone’s ancestors were less discriminative. When the famous
viking Donald Ironbeak came to America, he did not mind too much the political
and arranged marriage to the chief’s daughter Nookipontas. Then again, it
should be noted, that she appears more Humanoid than Kynoid.
Also, the alternative awaiting Donald back home should probably be taken into consideration.
It
is, however, an undisputable fact, that Donald Duck has a keen eye for females
outside of his own species - but only Human ones.
Just looking at them puts a happy smile on his beak.
But
whenever he tries to get any closer than just looking, the problems begin. He
never seems to have much luck.
No
luck at all.
In
fact, judging from the empirical evidence, one could claim, that his prospects
are down right hopeless.
Why
this is, is a bit of a mystery to Donald. Even consulting the wisdom of the old
learned masters does not seem to bring much light to the matter.
Both
at home and out on the town.
This defensive behaviour from Daisy only goes to show, that all flirts aside, she is indeed Donald’s number one girl. And so the object of his most romantic attention. But even though Daisy does not want Donald to court anyone else, she is not always herself in the mood for his sensual advances, which she has learned to put an effective stop to by always having the right equipment at hand. Such as a plunger in the kitchen...
..or
a spare can of gasoline in the handbag when going on a nocturnal drive at Lovers’
Lane.
Indeed, Daisy could probably teach the boy scouts of the Junior
Woodchucks (and even more so the girl scouts of the Chickadees) one or two things about
the art of being prepared. It would, however, be very wrong to use these
examples to claim a general lack of sexuality for Daisy. Certainly, Daisy too
has her moments of feeling romantic.
Sometimes
even quite romantic and sexually inviting.
Not
to say down right horny.
Unfortunately,
when Daisy is broody and ready, Donald usually seems rather uninterested and
focused on something else. One could of course explain this by bad hormonal
timing, or a bad sense of humour among the cupids of Duckburg, both
possibilities that I by no way will dismiss as unlikely, but there are also
several signs of a general retreative reaction among males in the Duck family,
when the courting appears to be going so well that the ultimate binding
relationship is within sight.
The
thought of being married and have to stick with just one woman is apparently not
at all appealing to the male Duck. Indeed, when the danger is on, and Anatide
dames in heat are on the hunt, it is much safer to stay at home. For instance,
in the company of a good book...
Anvendte
billedkildeforkortelser (fremkommer
ved at placere cursoren på billedet):
Refereret litteratur:
Dam, professor
P. (2005): “Anmeldelse af »Score-Anden«”,
Sydnordisk Akademi for Donaldisme.
van Erpelt,
dr. Lucy (1980): “Das häßliche
Entlein : Rätsel um Donald Duck”, i ’Der Hamburger Donaldist’
nr. 22, s. 10-12.
Gans, Grobian
(1970): “Die Ducks - Psychogramm
einer Sippe”, München.
GrandjeAnd,
dr. J. (2003): “Fra Fætter Gufs
ungdom”, Center for Klassisk Donaldisme.
Grütz, Klaus
(1982): “Erotik und Sexualität in
Entenhausen”, i ’Der Hamburger Donaldist’ nr. 33, s. 16-17.
Imberger,
Elke (1979): “Ritter Donald und die
Minne”, i ’Der Hamburger Donaldist’ nr. 19, s. 3-5.
Oldigs, Olaf
(1982): “Das sexualneurotischen
Verhalten des D. Duck”, i 'Der Hamburger Donaldist’ nr. 32, s.
8-9.
Wilkens,
Peter (1982): “Donald ein
’Sexualneurotiker’?”, i ’Der Hamburger Donaldist’ nr. 33,
s. 14-15.
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